Updated: Mar 10, 2019
Today is the day. I am done listening to my pesky ego that thinks it is bigger than my heart!
Now, I do realize that we cannot make the ego go away entirely because it is necessary for our physical survival. However, I am tired of the berating thoughts when I am innocently and honestly going about my life. Life by design is such that the contrast propels us to look at what it is we really want and how we really want to feel. I AM grateful for the negative aspects of my life because I am pushed to look deeper into my own inner workings and how I can show up in the world as my best self.
My negative self-talk was at a record high for 2019 when I took a class, "hot yoga sculpt". This class is the yoga of all yoga classes with weights, speed, flexibility, endurance. and HEAT. The thoughts in my head consisted of, "You used to be able to keep up with the best, you used to be stronger and faster...blah...blah...blah. "Before cancer" has become my staple excuse or victim stance over the last several months. After berating myself through the entirety of the class I received a clear picture in my mind's eye of a FAWN during the resting meditation. The FAWN was attempting to get up off the ground, all wobbly-legged and awkward. If my ego had been the interpreter of the fawn's message it would have gone something like this, "Get up you big baby! You are being weak and vulnerable and no one can see you like this. Luckily, I was very grounded after an hour of vigorous movement and meditation, so I was able to tap into my heart center to interpret the message.
My message from FAWN: Bring a gentle touch to all that you do, think and speak. Gentle movement forward is required of you now because like the fawn, you are starting anew. Every time a soul goes through a huge event such as illness, loss of a loved one, divorce etc... there is a sort of reset in the body, mind and spirit. It is time that we are called home to do our own inner work. Healing can be a long, slow process to get back on our feet, which is when fawn encourages taking baby steps. We can begin moving through life's obstacles with gentleness and grace when we reflect on fawn's symbolic messages.
Anyone who has gone through anything traumatic or challenging can resonate with the fact that it changes you. Now that I had figured out why fawn made an appearance I wanted to dive into what had changed so much? I was listening to my favorite program, Hay House Radio, when a teacher began talking about how our beliefs can die when big life events happen. This made so much sense, as I had been going through the stages of grief for the last couple of years after cancer. I was mourning the loss of my old, outdated belief system. But, how can I create new beliefs?
It seems as though I have already done the most important step in changing my beliefs and that is to know that they no longer serve me, and it is OK to let them go.
As I move forward it may not be as sure-footed as I wish, but I will use this time on my journey to explore where my primary beliefs are coming from and having the courage to create new ones, I will remember to call on FAWN for guidance.
As I transition in to my new place of being, FAWN will remind me:
* To get rid of the shoulds, coulds and oughts!
* Use the power of gentleness to heal old wounds
* Give negative thoughts no attention
* Trust in the new version of you that you are becoming
* Don't look back, it's not where you are going
* Love yourself unconditionally
* Use positive affirmations daily
* Falling is just part of the game
Soon I will create a new dance that is all my own. For right now, I will take Fawn's lead and do "The Wobble". -Amy
A Favorite Quote: "Know that the rhythm of life is still there moving you forward. Don't look back" -Melody Beattie